The Ultimate Frans Stiene Survival Guide—Tips From His First Host, His Mom

How does life a Frans Stiene make? Was it a case of nature versus nurture or a delicate combination of both. Did he Reiju people from his pram? Photo-bomb selfies before selfies were invented? Drive his parents nuts saying that, since they were all one, the fact that he ate all the croissants was irrelevant because, in a way, he was them? 

To find out, I decided to go back to the original source. No, not the Universe. Mrs. Stiene, his mom, who from now on will be called Eukie (short for Eucalypta, a cartoon character with whom she shares a joyful, slightly cackly laugh and big hands). 

But first, I have to confess two things: number one, I fell in love with Eukie as soon as she made fun of Frans right at the start of the interview. Until now, only Alexa, my AI-assistant, had bested him. Two, Eukie is not the stereotype of the elderly, sweet mom. If you have seen Frans on a rampage of funny—and sometimes very sexual jokes—, you have a better idea of Eukie than imagining her as a sweet lady crocheting doilies. 

Me: How was Frans as a baby? 

Eukie: He cried a lot.

Me: What?!? 

Eukie: Yes. Then he became very sweet. Cuddles would always calm him down.

Note to hosts based on personal experience: you may want to trade cuddles for croissants if you are into boundaries or are afraid the neighbors will think you are having an affair.

Eukie: He was a very handsome baby. I was pushing the pram, and this woman stops and looks first at the pram, then at me, then back at the pram, and says: “You must have had a very good looking husband.” 

Note: Eukie laughs like it’s the best joke in the world. I would have slapped the woman. I realize I have a long way to go in my Reiki journey. 

Me: So people were already falling in love with Frans?

Eukie: Oh, yes! I used to tell him, “You must have a ‘Golden Manhood’ because you have so many women!”

Note: As Eukie said this, I started laughing like a madwoman. In part, because she didn’t use the polite term ‘manhood.’ In part because Frans blushed as I had never seen him do so before. But mostly because the question of nature versus nurture was a mystery no longer. Frans and his mom are basically twin souls. The one difference? She doesn’t blush. 

Me: When Frans was young, did you imagine he would become a meditation and Reiki teacher.

Eukie: [Laughs, and laughs… and laughs.] No way. He drank so much! I worked as a midwife. Sometimes I would leave the house at six or seven in the morning and see him coming back from his parties totally wasted. Once some friends brought him back home, and I got there just in time to stop him from getting sick in my good cooking pot. I gave him an old bucket instead! 

But he was very honest. When he said he didn’t do something, I knew he hadn’t. We talked about everything: drugs, sex, relationships, etc. 

And he was very caring. So much so, I thought he would become a nurse. 

Me: Well, he kind of is. He’s just nursing the lot of us in a different way. What has not changed in Frans in all these years?

Eukie: He is the same joyful, playful person. 

Me: What has changed?

Eukie: He just has to look at a mirror.

Ouch. But hey, they both laugh. So do I. I’m getting used to the Dutch directness. Eukie goes on about some pranks and naughty behaviors of Frans. But these were eclipsed by Frans telling a story about Eukie herself. When Eukie was in her early twenties, she and her sister took their mom for a walk through Haarlem’s red-light district. Eukie knocked on the window where sex workers exhibited their charms, waved, and then ran away. Classic Frans! One scary thought came to me. It’s already an “experience” to host Frans. What would it be like to host both Frans… and his mom. With my mind now focused on survival, I asked Eukie one last question.

Me: What is your advice for the kind, quiet people hosting your son all over the world?

Eukie: Just let him talk and do his thing.

Wise, very wise. May this be the precept that guides Frans’ host actions in years to come. May he talk and do his thing, bringing us joy, inspiration, and invaluable insights. Meanwhile, I have to go. I’m preparing the paperwork to request my adoption by Eukie.

Frans & Eukie.