#BeingReiki: #1000DayChallenge — Day 41: About Respecting Other People's Space

Lately I've been really into the concept of holding healing spaces. I wrote a note inspired by it for our bi-monthly newsletter and I've been practicing with many friends, holding the space so they can do their own work.

I love how supportive yet respectful it is as a concept. You are there. Helping. Without invading. Without influencing. Respecting. Just being.

It's—in my opinion—the same space from which it will be ideal for me to give hands-on session. I'm not there 100% yet. There is still a part of me that wants to help, get involved and make sure positive shifts happen.

Last week, however, it became evident that this issue has nothing to do with Reiki practice but with family conditioning. My family is the kind of over-zealous helpers that overflow with constant advice. They come to your house and reorganize it the way they think it should be. If you feel down one day, they won't relent until they've talked you, pampered you or fed you out of your funk. Because they love you and "know better." In fact, they smother you in love and support until you run away (5000 thousand miles to be exact.)

During last week's visit, however, I was not smothered. I was shocked. Seeing them competing to help and pamper me, made me see how much like them I am. How I tend to hover over people to make sure they're feeling 100% fine. How I spend hours doing things for people who may just be happier if I left them alone.

Thus probably my interest in holding healing spaces. Hopefully a technique I will master in my practice... and in life.

And meanwhile, friends": cut me some slack!

Any tips are super welcome! You can leave them in the comments section or mail them at nat [@] mac [dot] com.

 

Photo credit: "La danse," by French Painter Henry Matisse.

 

#BeingReiki: #1000DayChallenge: Day 6 — And then… I lost it!

—By Nathalie J.

According to Judith Orloff in The Ecstasy of Surrender, when you try to be too sugary or over zen-like, you may be hiding a lot of anger and explode at any minute.

Today I can tell you with all my heart: this is so true.

I’m a passionate but rational Scorpio. Nonsensical, abusive New Yorkers drive me crazy. I can be absolutely relaxed, but one of them starts screaming at me about how I need to “talk” to my dog and “explain to him” he should not be smelling Tony the Pug’s but because he doesn’t like it… I lose it.

Last week I even did an amazing Life Coaching/Guided Healing kind of session to work on the issue and I thought I was doing so much better!

When a man suddenly opened a door almost hitting me on the face and screamed at me like a banshee instead of apologizing, I smiled graciously and walked away.

When a lady hated that my dog Maximilian said hello to her dog and made her lose a few seconds. I smiled and even wished her lots of love and peace (OK, I did say the F_ word… but only in my mind, which almost counts as not saying it.)

I’ve meditated and understood you can’t have a rational conversation with irrational people. That trying to convince them was actually being egotistical and irrational. I felt ready to move on.

And then came today.

I met a friend at Whole Foods for lunch. The pro is that you can bring your lunch and heat it up. The con is that their microwave is a magnet for contention.  There was no one so I put my topper to heat for 3.5 minutes.

A minute passes and I see this teenager arriving and trying to open the door. I calmly tell him, ‘You can't do that.’ He starts mumbling of how is going to waste 1.5 minutes of his life because I didn’t stop my meal so he could heat his tortilla. No matter how many times I explained to him he needed to respect the line and learn how to wait, he started saying I was not Christian and then reaching for the door. I reacted like he was Maximilian, saying “no you can’t, don’t you dare,” and grabbing his hand to stop him opening the door. When he opened it I lost it.

Why????

I was doing so well.

So it’s back to the cushion to meditate for an hour on how to manage kids that think waiting a minute or two is life-threatening and what it can teach me. Yet this is the kind of stupid situation when the "Show compassion to yourself and others precept" is a tiny bit challenging for me.

Parents everywhere. Let’s make a deal: can you explain to your kids that waiting is not a lethal disease? If you do, I promise I’ll do my best to feel compassion about them undergoing a crappy adolescence.

Thank you and Namaste. 

 

 

 

 

7 Kick-Ass Life Advice from Young Women Entrepreneurs

—by Nathalie Jaspar

When I visualize a spiritual master, I tend to imagine someone living a quiet life of meditation and teaching—a yoga or a Reiki master. I never expected that some of the most kick-ass life advice I’ve heard lately would come from the lips of two young women entrepreneur at a Women 2.0 event in New York: Cathy Han, CEO and co-founder of 42 Technologies and Kelly Peeler, Founder and CEO of NextGenVest. Here is some of the wisdom they shared* when asked what life lessons they learned while launching their companies. Enjoy!

1)    No excuses (Cathy): Stop saying you are too young, too busy, or too poor. That you need another class, another year, another partner. If you want to do something, go ahead and do it.

2)    Don’t be an asshole (Kelly): You can’t do everything by yourself; you will need help and a network of people. And for that to happen, you can’t be an asshole.

3)    Being busy doesn’t mean you are progressing (Cathy): When you are always busy, you don’t leave space for things to happen: a last minute meeting that can bring you new connections or the mental space for an idea to grow. Always create space for the things you want or need so they can come into your life. For that you need to prioritize: Have a huge to do list? Pick the 3 things you want to do that day. Pick three coffee shops and do one thing in each: this helps you focus on each and helps creating a feeling of movement.

4)    Say thank you (Kelly): A lot of people ask for help, but very few say thank you. When you say thank you, it goes a long way.

5)    Know how you operate (Kelly): Are you a morning person or a night person? Do you work best in blocks of a few hours or taking more breaks? When do you need to eat? How much exercise you need…? Acknowledge how you operate and build your work schedule around it.

6)    Be uncomfortable (Cathy): Feeling uncomfortable means you are stepping out of your comfort zone and doing something new. It means you are challenging yourself. And that’s what it's all is about.

7)    Embrace difference (Kelly): You are a woman or an ethnic minority? Thrive in that difference: it’s your biggest advantage. It’s what will make people remember you.

 

—Nathalie Jaspar is the co-founder at Natky927 Wellness Collective, a group of professional Reiki practitioners supported by life coaches, clinical herbalists and yoga teachers in New York City and Miami. 

*I was so immersed into their speech that I didn’t think or recording, but I tried to keep it as close to the meaning as was possible.

 

What if just one word could change the future?

I’ve never felt very optimistic about the world’s future.

Most of my friends in meditation and energy work believe that the world will become a better place.

I only saw increased violence, wars and greed.

Until today.

I was listening to a text read by #ThichNhatHanh. I don’t even remember what the words were, but suddenly I thought, “Yes, it can be better. It all depends on a few words.”
Think about it. Most totalitarian leaders are born out of a few words of rejection. Most economic predators are born of a word that hurt their ego.   

Words can be like pebbles that go down a slope, creating a huge avalanche.
It sounds dramatic but just the other day I witnessed it happening in a small scale.
I was at the Miami airport on my way home. Every body looked happy until an angry voice screamed a change of gate. People stopped smiling and rushed to the new gate only to be told, again angrily, the gate had changed once more. In a bad mood people rushed to the new gate where they were herded like cows into the plane. 

The airline employees, under pressure—we were already slightly delayed—started behaving a little erratically and people started fretting and complaining—not always in the most polite manner. The employees became even more stressed out and decided to check in all carry-ons for group 4. Passengers complied but were not happy. They were even less happy when they reached their seats to find all storage space empty.

Frustration escalated and passengers started to fight with one another until a supervisor totally out of control started screaming about terrorism. It was surreal. He decided a woman who complained about luggage was a treat to the flight (don't ask me why, I still don't get it) and she—plus another passenger who questioned the supervisor's judgement—were taken off the plane almost at gunpoint.

By that time we are all freaking out, but thinking it can't get worse, until the pilot, frustrated and tired, had to speed up our landing to be able to make it to New York and we almost slid off the runway. Twice.
A lovely ride home.
But where did all the madness start?

With a few angry words about a gate change.

How did it stop? At the baggage claim when my dog jumped on me and made me fall to the floor so he could lick me better, making everyone laugh.

Every word we say may have consequences we never dream of.
For bad.
But also for good.

And like this I became an optimist.
If a few words can destroy something.
A few words (or dog's loving sloppy kisses) also have the power to heal it.

It’s up to each of us to decide.

 

Nathalie Jaspar is the co-founder at Natky927 Wellness Collective, a group of professional Reiki practitioners supported by life coaches, clinical herbalists and yoga teachers in New York City and Miami. 

Photo credit: Screen shot from Almodovar's I'm So Excited.